Recently I spoke at an event where participants were able to send the speakers questions after the conference.  I received some great questions, but one in particular really made me think.  It was a simple question, but one that took me a while to answer.

“Where do you want to be in 10 years”?

I’ve been so busy thinking about surviving each day with Evan, I realized I had forgotten to get my head out of the weeds and think long term.

If you don’t have a dream, there’s no way to achieve it.  Simple as that.  Most of us inevitably just end up where we’re headed.  For some, that place is exactly where we would have wanted to be anyway.

These are the lucky few.  For most, we end up somewhere, have no idea how we got there, and struggle to figure out where to go next.

I won’t pretend to have it all figured out, nor do I have all the answers.  What I do know, however, is that unless you define success and your goals ahead of time, you’ll react through life without making decisions that will strategically get you where you want to go.

Here are some questions to think about:

• What are you passionate about?
• If you could be living your dream life, what would it look like?
• What kinds of things do you look forward to?

Don’t worry about how you’re going to get there yet.  Just decide where you want to be.  Your brain will work backwards to fill in the gaps and figure out what paths you need to take to get there.  You first have to have the vision.  Where do you want to be in 10 years?

(On a side note, just wanted to let you know that the weekly motivational emails are going to start coming on a monthly basis.  I’ll still regularly post articles, tips, and ideas on Facebook (so make sure you “Like” us if you haven’t already done so), but the actual weekly motivational emails will be monthly motivational emails.  My current speaking and travel schedule are making it really difficult to post messages weekly, and I really want to make sure you get meaningful, relevant content.  I hope you’ll understand.)

When life gets us down, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of complaining (trust me, I’m guilty too).  Unfortunately, not only does complaining not fix the problem, it actually makes the situation worse.

Perhaps you’ve seen the following:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

― Mahatma Gandhi

It’s hard to believe or truly conceive that our thoughts actually create our own reality, but it is most definitely the case.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it:

Go one week without complaining…about anything.

If you catch yourself complaining, simply stop, collect your thoughts, and move on.  If you are talking to other people that complain, simply acknowledge it, and move on.  You don’t have to engage it.  I’m going to take the challenge with you.

Designate this week as complaint free.

Even when you know a bunch of productivity and stress management strategies, it doesn’t always mean that you get it perfectly.  I looked at Jay (my hubby) and just looked defeated.  He grabbed his computer, went to YouTube, and showed me this video.

And then it all turned around.  I realized I was trying to shove two dozen chocolates in my mouth, down my shirt, and in my hat, and there was no way I could manage it all at once.  I needed to eat one chocolate at a time.  I stopped, made a list of everything that had to be done and managed, took a deep breath, and started down the list.  All I could do was all I could do.

Sometimes managing stress and overwhelm can be boiled down to doing the next right thing, whatever that may be.

P.S.  If you are so inclined, please send prayers, good  ju ju, good vibes, or whatever positive energy you have toward Evan.  We could really use it right now.

You’re a grown up now, and I’m willing to bet that only a handful of people reading this post are actually a firefighter.   But how much of your time do you currently spend fighting fires, dealing with other people’s emergencies, and managing crisis?  Probably way too much.

The first thing you have to do if you want to get out of firefighting mode is to start searching for arsonists.  Arsonists are people or situations that tend to start your fires.  Yes, some are unavoidable, and there’s nothing you can do about those, but many can be minimized or avoided all together simply by better communication and clarification of expectations.

Start making a mental note of the people and situations that contribute to your fires and emergencies.  Look for patterns and trends.  More importantly, pay attention to how you react and respond.  We train people how to treat us, and your actions, attitudes, or behaviors might be contributing to the problem without even realizing you’re doing it.

Who or what starts most of your fires?  What can you do this week to put those fires out?

Have you ever played the game Tetris for long periods of time?  If so, it’s possible you’ve experienced what is known as the Tetris Effect.  In studies where gamers were asked to play the game Tetris for hours on end, they started seeing shapes everywhere, both in their sleep and while awake.

This will be my last post on Shawn Achor’s book, The Happiness Advantage, so I wanted to share with you my favorite happiness strategy from the book.  Our brains get easily stuck in patterns of viewing the world, and what we look for, we find.

If we get stuck in the pattern of looking for the negative (like accountants proofreading for errors or attorneys finding flawed logic in arguments), we get stuck in that pattern, always looking for and picking up on the negative.  Interestingly both accountants and attorneys have been found to have higher rates of depression because of their inherent need to focus on the negative.  Basically, the more we look for the negative, the more we miss out on the positive.

The good news?  You can train your brain to scan for the positives and see those as well.

Try this.  Watch this video before you continue reading.

Ok, now that you’ve watched the video, did you see the moonwalking bear the first time?  If you’re like 46% of people that were studied who watched the video, you didn’t.  Why?  You were scanning for the number of passes and not focused on the bear.

Our brain scans our environment much the same way.  It is a phenomenon known as inattentional blindness, our inability to see what is often right in front of us if we’re not focusing directly on it.

So what can you do to find the positives?  Look for them.  Every night at dinner in our family, we go around the table and share at least 3 things we are grateful for or that happened good during the day.  Research has proven keeping a gratitude journal or thinking of 3 good things that happened each day forces you to scan for the positives.

Those that did this repeatedly for a week were found to be happier, more grateful, and had higher levels of optimism than those that didn’t, even after they stopped the exercise.

Achor explains that the easiest way to do this is to start making a daily list of the good things in your job, with your friends and family, and your life.

So this week, start looking for positives.  Write them down, share them, or just focus on them and watch what happens!

Don’t forget to Like us on Facebook and share your happiness strategies!

1.   Our interpretation of reality changes our experience of that reality.  Achor states, “Because our brain’s resources are limited, we are left with a choice:  to use those finite resources to see only pain, negativity, stress, and uncertainty, or to use those resources to look at things through a lens of gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism, and meaning.  In other words, while we of course can’t change reality through sheer force of will alone, we can use our brain to change how we process the world, and that in turn changes how we react to it.”

Psychology has shown that our mindset doesn’t just change how we feel about an experience, it actually changes the results of that experience.  Take for example the placebo effect.  Placebos are 55%-60% as effective as most active medications for controlling pain.  It is a simple change of mindset (the belief that patients are taking an actual drug) and is powerful enough to make the actual symptoms disappear.

Take a look at the picture above.  The way you see it is your perception.  Why can some people only see the young lady, some the old lady, and some both?  Interpretation of reality.

2.  Achor explains that just as your mindset about work affects your performance, it also affects your ability.  Studies show that belief in our own ability is a stronger predictor of performance than our actual level of skill or training.  Achor explains that we can give ourselves a competitive advantage by focusing on all of the reasons we will succeed, rather than fail, by reminding ourselves of all of the skills we have, rather than lack, and believing that we can improve our abilities.

It also goes back to the point I’ve made repeatedly about focusing on your strengths, rather than dwelling on weaknesses.  Most importantly, our beliefs about our abilities are not necessarily innate, but can change.  This means you can teach yourself to be more confident and assured.  Years of research have shown that a specific and concerted focus on your strengths during a task produces the best results.

3.  There is a phenomenon called the Pygmalion Effect:  when our belief in another person’s potential brings that potential to life.  Basically, the expectations we have about our children, co-workers, boss, or partner can make that expectation a reality.

Achor cites a study where teachers that believed that a handful of their students had been identified as academic superstars, with the greatest potential for growth.  The teachers were instructed not to spend more time with the students or treat them any differently.  At the end of the year, the student’s test scores reported that they had off the chart intellectual ability.  The only problem?  They were randomly selected and originally had similar test scores to the rest of the class.  Even though they had spent no more time or given them no more attention, the teachers’ beliefs that the children were extraordinary were enough to make it so.  The belief that the teachers had in the students’ potential had been nonverbally communicated, and this was digested by the students and transformed into reality.

What beliefs do you have about your kids, coworkers, spouse, or others in your life?  It appears that you could be creating your own reality.

Let me know what you think of the concepts in the book so far!  Leave a comment here or join me on Facebook.

Apparently, we have it all backwards.  We have become accustomed to thinking that if we work hard, we will become successful, and if we become successful, we will be happy.  Unfortunately, this thought process is flawed and completely backwards.

More than a decade of research has proven that happiness actually fuels performance and causes us to be more productive, efficient, resilient, and creative.  Happiness also leads to success in nearly every area of our life, including work, health, friendship, sociability, creativity, and energy.  In short, when we are happy, we are smarter, more motivated, and more successful.

Unfortunately, we are less happy than we’ve ever been.  A Harvard study in 2010 found that only 45% of workers surveyed were happy at their jobs, the lowest in 22 years of polling.  Depression rates today are ten times higher than they were in 1960.

We used to think happiness was a set point that you are born with, leaving you little room to determine your happiness fate.  We now know based on extensive research, that that is simply not the case.  Our brains are absolutely amazing, and can actually be changed, a process called self-directed neuro-plasticity.  By improving our mood and implementing happiness strategies, we can improve our happiness and experience the happiness advantage.

Positive emotions cause our brain to create dopamine and serotonin, chemicals that not only  make us feel good, but dial up the learning centers of our brains to higher levels.

What does this mean for us?  People who put their head down and work hard, waiting for their success to drive their happiness are at a huge disadvantage, while people who capitalize on positivity are more successful and yes, happier.

Happiness is not a magical concept, and it does not need to occur in huge events.  Something as small as a funny video clip or conversation with a friend can have an immediate boost in cognitive power and job performance.In fact, psychologists have found that positive emotions can “undo” physical stress and anxiety, a phenomenon they call the “undoing effect”.

Next week I’ll start exploring Achor’s strategies for improving your level of happiness, but in the meantime, here’s a great video clip that’s sure to get you going in the right direction.

If you’re having trouble viewing the video, click here.

You’ve heard me talk about leveraging strengths, and you’ve probably heard me tell the story of the poor little bunny who ended up in a gang and addicted to crack.  While this great quote certainly speaks to playing to our strengths, it also reminds us to pay attention to the strengths in others.

If you’ve ever dismissed someone because of the uniform they were wearing, the position they held, or because after a conversation you thought to yourself, “Now he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed”, I’d encourage you to look again.

Everyone is a genius…in some way.  There’s a great story about Johnny the bagger.   If you haven’t had a chance to watch this video, I’d highly recommend it.  Click here to see the video.

While identifying your strengths and talents is critical to success, your ability to see the best in others plays a huge part in determining  your happiness.  In every interaction, we have a choice.  We can be judgmental and look for the flaws in others, or we can take the time to find their genius.  Which do you look for?

The pike syndrome is all too common in our everyday lives.  We make assumptions or feel victimized by our environment, and fail to push past our self-imposed barriers of limitation.

Are you a victim of the pike syndrome?  Are you held back by an imaginary glass divider?  What do you need to do to start swimming freely?  For many of us, it’s simply coming to the realization that we are being held back by ourselves, not some imaginary force beyond our control.

I suspect we all fall victim to the pike syndrome in one way or another.  Awareness is the first step.

What have you wanted to do but have held back because you’ve believed it impossible?

Lately I’ve been asked quite a bit to speak on the topic of change.  Times are changing, and people are having a hard time keeping up with it.  Organizations are restructuring, communities are growing rapidly, and individuals are trying now more than ever to grow personally and professionally. 

So how to you manage all of the change that you experience on a regular basis?  Whether the change is at the individual, organizational, or community level, the same coping strategies apply.  Here are a few things to consider when trying to navigate and manage the anxiety and upheaval that can sometimes come with change:

1.  Anticipate it.  Change is often difficult when we’re caught off guard or frustrated that it’s happening.  Rather than assuming you’re one project away from things settling down, expect that it change will continue to take place.

2.  Be part of the solution.  If you resist change too much, you are often seen as part of the problem.  You want to be part of the solution.  Make time to figure out what you can do to support the change, rather than resist it.

3.  We are wired to resist change.  But that doesn’t mean change is impossible.  While our brain pre-disposes us to maintain the status quo, change can happened with focused attention and effort.

4.  Focus on what you can control.  Yes, you can influence others and situations, but the only thing you have complete control over is you and your reactions.  Don’t waste time and energy trying to control external circumstances or people.

5.  Surround yourself with positive, productive people.  Nothing determines the success of any change effort more than the people you associate with. Distance yourself from negativity.

6.  Manage your own morale.  Don’t wait for others to motivate you or make you feel better.  You must choose your own attitude and continually focus on renewing it.

7.  Reframe the way you’re thinking.  More often than not, change brings about positive results.  Rather than viewing the change as negative, reframe it as an opportunity.  Remember, it is what it is and all you can do is all you can do.